Now that the thermometer no longer shows an almost summery 23 degrees as it did in October and at least a hint of it can be seen when you exhale early in the morning and in the evening, autumn smells as it should smell: cool, damp and like wood smoke. As a stove owner, you should now have a pile of sawn wood that has been dried for at least a year in front of your driveway.
But how do you make it small? So small that it also fits into the beautiful new oven with the large glass pane that you bought in the mistaken belief that it would save you on heating costs? The forest farmer just laughs, having miraculously adjusted his wood price to the skyrocketing gas and oil prices. Doesn’t matter.
Because chopping wood is like therapy for office workers who are stressed out by sitting. And therapies are not cheap.
So: You need a wobble-free chopping block, between 70 and 80 centimeters high, with a diameter that is not too small, at least 35 centimeters. In addition, a commercially available ax that is not too heavy, the head of which weighs between 800 and 1400 grams, depending on the size of the pieces to be chopped. The stem should be between 40 and 50 centimeters long. It definitely doesn’t have to be the hand-forged Swedish hipster ax for 250 euros. Leather work gloves, on the other hand, make sense: no splinters in the skin!
If the expensive forest farmer has already sawn the trunks to the right length and roughly split them, it is now time to cut the pieces into smaller cake pieces. The position should definitely be with your legs apart, with the chopping stick with the log right in the middle, so that when you cut next to it you don’t hit yourself in the knee, but between your legs.
In general: Don’t hit at the beginning like Conan the Barbarian! Once you start chopping it, you can feel how hard and stubborn the piece of wood is. If the hatchet is stuck in the block, you lift both over the chopping block and chop them down together. This reduces the risk of injury. Basically, you should always split the round trunk into triangular cake pieces from its center, the wood core, at right angles to the annual rings. If the wood already has a natural gap, chop in there, but for very wide pieces at the edge, in the imaginary extension of the gap that comes from the middle.
The wood chipper’s biggest enemy are the rock-hard branches. Never hack into it, just past it! Note: The branch is usually stronger than you.
For advanced users: If it is difficult to split a block, you can hold the ax chopped a few centimeters above your head, turn it and hit the back of the ax onto the chopping block. This way you use the weight of the block to drive the cutting edge in like a wedge. Once you have defeated him like this and ten more like him, you will not be able to help but feel (quietly and secretly) as virile as Conan the Barbarian in front of the flickering fire.
The author is currently waiting with anticipation for a delivery of ash wood.
(Photo: Bernd Schifferdecker (illustration))