On the screen, the words are spelled out: “He scares you, he denigrates you, he isolates you, he threatens you and it is a strategy to scare you, so that you do not leave, but you should have the right to leave whenever you want. These words are from Axel, 23, “respondent” from En Avant tous, a Parisian association which dialogues by chat with young women victims of violence. At the other end of the screen, a young 21-year-old woman is dating a boy from her village, and wonders about his relationship.
From Monday to Saturday, from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m., people who are victims of violence can come to find moral support and advice on the association’s chat room, usually via the website. commentonsaime.fr, built as a resource and information site on love. Because the idea is to reach young women who do not necessarily put the word “violence” on their relationship. With a site that does not have a too institutional image, “nor too much drama”, explains Louise Neuville, 31, a former researcher in history who became responsible for the association’s communications.
Under-represented in care structures
En Avant Tous is nestled on the first floor of the Cité audacieuse in Paris, a place dedicated to feminism, where some fifteen associations are housed in a former school. Between the blackboards in the rooms and the hopscotch drawn in the courtyard, the café which welcomes the public from Thursday to Sunday proudly exhibits a portrait of the artist Frida Kahlo, a sculpture in the shape of a purple female sign, a donation box for Elementary rules association or even herbal teas on each floor to facilitate exchange between associations. “It’s a bit of anti-Twitter here,” jokes Anne-Cécile Mailfert, president of the Women’s Foundation, which manages the place.
The En Avant tous target? Young women aged 16 to 25, who are over-represented in victimization surveys, but under-represented in care structures. And who sometimes struggle to put the words on what they have suffered. “We are at the moment of the transition. The women who contact us are realizing the violence they have suffered. They learn to put words on it, ”explains Thomas Humbert, co-founder of the association with Ynaée Benaben.
“I’m too afraid of the consequences”
On Axel’s screen, the conversation continues. On average, each chat lasts 53 minutes, the time to establish a form of trust with the “chatters”, who are 90% women. The 21-year-old declared victim told Axel that her boyfriend is yelling at her, forbidding her to see her friends, and most importantly, that he has a nude photo of her taken without her consent. A crucial point which the “respondent” guesses as and when it is the reason why she is slow to extricate herself from this toxic relationship. Soon, she lets go: “I know deep down that I have to cut ties with him but I’m too afraid of the consequences. “
The vast majority of anonymous victims who contact the association have suffered psychological violence: this is the case for 67% of those under 26. Many have also suffered verbal (50% of this category) or sexual (47.5%) violence, according to a study by the association carried out between November 2019 and June 2020.
“We have to find a way to be confident”
The average age is 24 years, with a large proportion of minors, between 15 to 18%. With them, “we have to find a way to be confident,” explains Thomas Humbert. For this, the association uses a respectful address and tries to restore the confidence of the victims declared by reinforcing them in the idea that they made the right choice by coming here, and by repeating to them that here, we believe them. , and we support them.
Precisely, at the same time when Axel manages this young 21-year-old woman, on the post opposite, Nabintou is grappling with a difficult situation, involving a minor who suffers from domestic violence, and found herself in the street. Thomas Humbert is called in as a backup. Here he is, dialing numbers, working to find a solution. We will not know more, to fully preserve the anonymity of this person.
Crack the fear
Since its creation, the association’s chat has already managed nearly 7,000 conversations. The “respondents”, ten in number, out of 20 full-time equivalent jobs, have a “social or psy” profile, explains Thomas Humbert, a former specialist educator with a background as an associative and political activist. All the members of the team, even those who are not primarily on the chat, find themselves at one time or another to do a little “field” – chat or prevention sessions with groups of victims – and have a hybrid profile. In this way, each person in the association, which operates on a principle of salary horizontality – all positions, whether accountant or respondent, start at the same salary, only seniority makes them climb – knows the heart well. of career.
On his screen, Axel is witnessing a growing awareness, thanks to his patient maieutic work. “Is this photo he has a brake on your breakup?” “, he asks. “Yes, I’m afraid he shows them,” replies the young woman. “Know that it is illegal to disseminate nude photos of you,” Axel informs him, in an attempt to crack the fear that connects her to this toxic relationship.
At the end of the conversation, the young woman promises to come back to chat with the association, and has also decided to talk to her mother. “Discussing it with those close to them is something extremely important to get out of the violence,” explains Axel, who is pleased that this person has decided to act: “We are very appreciative of the strength of the people who contact us. “