How Catherine, 36, got out of bulimia after thirteen years of fighting

“I would really like to give hope: I am married, happy, I have a healthy baby, a profession that fascinates me. She is 36, a striped shirt, a smile and a slim waist. This thinness, Catherine Gourevitch cherished it for a long time, until becoming obsessed with it. To the point of making himself vomit ten times a day.

⚠️ Round table of the @ffabtca June 2, 2021 at 3 p.m. on Zoom, in the presence of our Ambassador, Line Papin, and @ecsdmed, on the theme: “Why a World CAW Day?” “

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– FFAB 🟣 #NoMoreTCA (@ffabtca) May 28, 2021

On the occasion of the

first World Eating Disorders Day (TCA) *, organized by the French Anorexia Bulimia Federation (FFAB) this Wednesday, Catherine told us about the terrible cycle of bulimia, its obstacle course to get out of it, and why we should never give up.

“I was sure there would be an explosion of TCA …”

“In recent months, I have thought a lot about bulimic people, admits the thirty-something, met on the terrace of a cafe in the 15th arrondissement. If I had had to go through these confinements when I was sick, it would have been terrible. The only activity allowed is going to the supermarket. It’s like telling an alcoholic that he can only go to the wine merchant! I was sure there would be an explosion of TCA… ”

Small clarification: if binge eating is defined by phases where we eat excessively and compulsively, bulimia is different because these episodes of hangovers are followed by techniques to avoid gaining weight: voluntary vomiting, taking laxatives or excess sport.

“The peculiarity of bulimia, compared to anorexia, is that it is not visible, introduced the thirty-something. It can happen to go to the bathroom after a meal. But not necessarily to vomit! According to the FFAB, 900,000 French people have a TCA. But Catherine is wary of the numbers… “I have been ill for more than thirteen years. I have never varied the size of clothing and if I had not opened up to those around me, they would never have noticed. She also carried this secret for four years.

“What started as revenge has turned into a gear”

Small and cheerful little girl, Catherine has long been complimented on her thinness. After her mother dies, when she is only 13, she finds herself with her sister raised by an elderly, strict father who values ​​appearance very much. “Our perfection or our failures reflected on him. I recorded, “you better stay slim”. “That’s good, Catherine can have fun without taking a gram.

But around 18, things get tough. “My father started to think to me like ‘leave your bread, you’ve already had your fill’. One evening I went to make myself vomit. In my head, it was to punish him. When I told him, it went in with one ear and came out the other. What started out as revenge has turned into a gear. “

“The disease consumes, isolates and locks in a vicious circle”

Fortunately, Catherine manages to complete her business school. Before flying to the United States, for an internship. Romantic encounter, life for two. Or rather three, because the disease remains lurking, but omnipresent. “I found myself without a job, with a lot of time, and I sank. All of my days were running errands, eating and making myself vomit. »Without his companion suspecting anything.

“We manage to pretend. It’s so humiliating to have your head in the toilet 5, 10 times a day. We lose self-confidence, we no longer dare to apply for anything. The disease consumes, isolates and locks in a vicious circle of repeated crises. “

“We are convinced that we will get by on our own, that tomorrow we will stop”

What will trigger his confession is a marriage proposal. He says yes and decides to say everything. “I had a feeling of absolute fraud. It was there that I started to consult a psychotherapist. During all this time, we are convinced that we will manage on our own, that tomorrow, we will stop. But she insists: getting help is essential when you have bulimia.

After returning to France – and a divorce – Catherine, then aged 25, was taken care of by a multidisciplinary team. “I started seeing an addictologist and a psychiatrist for two years. They were the first to tell me that therapy was not going to be enough. And that behind this bulimia was hiding a bipolar disorder. I started medication, which gave me the emotional stability I needed to do the therapeutic work. “

Rely on this ordeal to help others

But the road to recovery looks long. Two years later, she spent two months in a psychiatric hospital. “What an admission of failure! If I had been told at 15 that I would be in HP at 27… But in fact, it was a big step forward. I cried when I arrived… and when I left. I had spoken with a lot of people who suffered from addictions. I understood that I was neither alone nor crazy. I saw myself as a normal person with a flaw. “

On leaving, the seizures disappeared. Not the disease. “I was better, but without knowing why,” she analyzes with hindsight. So it’s relapse, rehospitalization… and the discovery of mindfulness. “Thanks to emotional apps and readings, I started to be my own guinea pig, to impose sessions on myself. I am far from being a great fan of meditation. But thanks to these tools, I learned to distance myself from emotions so that they no longer dictate my behavior. “

This is how, from a victim of bulimia, Catherine became a nutrition coach. “Today, I’m not at all afraid of relapsing. »Next goal? Become a patient-expert and support a team of caregivers. To take advantage of his long struggle. “For a long time, I preferred to be sick than to gain weight. Trying to rationalize things, I was like “If you only eat four fries, that’s x calories”. But the only way to do it is through action, by proving to his brain that it is wrong to be afraid. I managed to say to myself: “Too bad if I have to gain a few pounds”. And finally, I did not gain weight ”.

* An information number exists “Anorexia Bulimia Info Listening” 08.10.03.70.37.