My sister and brother-in-law are notoriously unpunctual, two or three hours late is no exception. Now they have asked if we can postpone the start of our traditional family reunion, otherwise their child, 2, will not be able to get his nap. I understand that – but I also fear that I will first have to reorganize for their sake and then have to wait. What should I do? Carina S., Ebersberg
Margit Auer:
Margaret Auer is the author of the best-selling children’s book series “The School of Magical Animals”, which has now been printed more than seven million times and translated into 25 languages. She has three sons, almost all grown up, and lives in the middle of Bavaria.
(Photo: Auer)
Do sisters and brothers-in-law get away with this method? How do you do that? So you miss trains, ferries and the beginning of the movie. They are late for work, the dentist and later their child’s school play. How long does a family celebration last for you? Aren’t we all tipsy when the little family finally arrives? I don’t think sisters and brothers-in-law should wait until their child’s graduation to get their time management under control. You should start now! In concrete terms, that means I wouldn’t take it into account. Incidentally, I don’t think it’s a good idea to make the success of a celebration dependent on the smallest of guests. Parents have the right to improvise. Actually, your sister and brother-in-law should have found out long ago that the child never takes a nap when it is scheduled. And on the other hand, it suddenly slumbers wonderfully in the pram when you go for a digestive walk after eating dumplings.
Herbert Renz upholstery:
Herbert Renz upholstery is a pediatrician, scientist and author of parenting guides and the blog “Understanding Children”. He has four adult children and lives in Ravensburg with his wife and youngest child.
(Photo: Random House)
I think they both have a good point: sister and brother-in-law want to take good care of their child and they want to do everything to make the family reunion work. The only thing that helps is to take the bull by the horns and address the topic: So that you are willing to follow your sister and co, but are still worried that it won’t really work out. Nevertheless, I don’t have a good feeling about the regulation, because it sounds kind of “condescending” – you grant your sister an indulgence despite previous sins (and maybe think with your fist in your pocket: woe, you’ll be late again!) . This ignores the fact that what you call “tardiness” (and somehow also discourtesy towards you?) may have reasons that lie elsewhere. So maybe it would be good to simply acknowledge the unpredictability in this other life and to put the practical in the foreground – so: Sister, how should we do it so that we have as much as possible of each other at the party, even if you might be a little later comes? In our technological age, there are many ways to coordinate things at short notice. It would be a pity if it failed due to human misunderstanding.
Collien Ulmen Fernandes:
Collien Ulmen Fernandes is an actress and presenter. The mother of a daughter lives in Potsdam and wrote the bestselling children’s book “Lotti und Otto” and the parent guide “I’ll be a mom then”.
(Photo: Anatol Kotte)
Tardiness is one of the biggest annoyances of our days! It is the little and big sister of non-binding and thus above all a symptom of a time in which appointments – thanks to cellphones and constant availability – are only valid provisionally and until further notice. Only until something better happens. Anyone who is still reliable today and insists on punctuality is considered antiquated, but that is precisely why you should definitely insist on keeping appointments. One must not forget that being late is a direct expression of power, essentially a gesture of oppression. Those who are not punctual have little respect and look down – unconsciously – on those who are waiting. This misconduct must be resolutely counteracted. You and I have to do something. Taking a stand against people who are always in a hurry and late because they have too many dates at once and think they have to dance at all weddings at the same time. It is possible to be on time. It’s all just a matter of priority.