According to Alex Perez, the Toxic Dating Coach and founder of Mindful Attraction , getting a guy to fall head over heels for you is possible if you know how to play the game
Dating: it’s no fairytale.
In a world of online dating apps, social media and a raging global pandemic, finding true love — or at least connection — may seem impossible.
But according to Alex Perez, the Toxic Dating Coach and founder of Mindful Attraction, getting a guy to fall head over heels for you is possible if you know how to play the game.
Alex’s honest, tell-it-like-it-is mentoring style has garnered him hundreds of thousands of devoted YouTube followers.
Want to live happily ever after? Take notes, ladies.
Alex’s honest, tell-it-like-it-is mentoring style has garnered him hundreds of thousands of devoted followers
TOUGH LOVE
Practical realism is how Alex describes his unorthodox approach.
The 31-year-old art student doesn’t look or sound like your traditional dating coach. (He curses.)
His method is off the cuff and casual to the point of seeming as if he’s just rolled out of bed himself.
With the exception of his artwork decorating his walls, his surroundings are spare and could use a woman’s touch, and his attire is just as relaxed.
But once he starts quoting philosophers, using science to explain human behavior and the grim realities of dating in his uniquely entertaining way, you’ll be hooked! And that’s the catch.
‘I like to get straight to the point without sugar coating things,’ said the former therapist.
‘A lot of people get offended when you don’t sugar-coat, which is a reason why people are out of touch with reality; they assume that dating is a Disney fantasy and they’re shocked when they see that it’s really a Machiavellian type of thing. It can be shady.’
‘They have the battle scars, the betrayals and the hurts. So when I call it out, they get mad because it’s confronting them with reality.’
To understand a man’s motives and behavior, Alex is currently offering a comprehensive course on Natural Chemistry and a seminar on social intelligence on January 16.
You become more desirable when he things he might lose you
FIRST DATES FOR DUMMIES
‘You should never show how much you want a guy on a first date, keep that to yourself,’ revealed Alex.
He went on to explain that often chemistry on a first date is one sided and that when you feel it, the other person may not.
You should never reveal how much you want a guy on a first date
He compares the situation to an exchange with someone under the influence.
‘It’s like a crack head talking to you all cracked out thinking they’re having the best conversation with you when in reality you’re annoyed by the person.
‘There’s no difference between the two. They are so self-absorbed in their own emotions and how great this experience is for them that they are not aware of how they are coming across.
Alex warns that when you really like someone you don’t notice how you look at them. You’re giving yourself away with your nonverbals.
‘And when you cannot control your emotions, you stop thinking strategically, and that’s one of the reasons why when you like the guy, he loses interest. But when you don’t like him, he becomes obsessed with you.’
‘When you really like someone you don’t notice how you look at them. You’re giving yourself away with your nonverbals because you are so self-absorbed you don’t notice the signals you are sending out’
Shop the leggy look: Tarteist™ Pro Cruelty-Free Lashes by Tarte, $12; sephora.com. Large Jenah Hoops by ByChari, $575; bychari.com. The Santa Monica With Chain
IF YOU’VE GOT IT, FLAUNT IT
While you shouldn’t reveal your feelings on a first date, Alex believes you should show off your best physical asset.
‘Keep everything covered but your best trait. If you have nice legs, dress modestly but show your legs.
‘Guys want to see how you look the same way a woman wants to see how successful a guy is.
Guys get turned on not by what they see but what they imagine
‘You don’t want to go out with a broke dude, a guy doesn’t want to go out with a woman that he doesn’t find attractive, so you have to show him what you have in a subtle and tasteful way.’
You can also play up stereotypes and projections.
‘If you want to come off like an adventurous badass girl or an Egyptian goddess, then dress that way.
‘The way a woman dresses and adorns herself has more of an effect than vice versa. Guys get turned on not by what they see but by what they imagine.’
Dating can be emotionally taxing, especially for “nice girls.” According to Alex, the four biggest mistakes “nice girls” make are: forgiving too much, forgetting too often, being gullible and fearing confrontation
GET OUT OF LA LA LAND
Many women live in a dream world where a prince charming will come and sweep them off their feet.
‘On the first date, control your fantasies, control what you see in your mind for this guy,’ said Alex.
According to the New Yorker, there’s no need to do too much or say too much, just being there is enough.
‘After the date, a lot of women start fantasizing, they start talking to their girlfriends and they start falling in love.
‘They’re projecting because they want to fulfill this fantasy in their mind and by any means necessary, and that’s the cause of why a lot of women end up unhappy.
Alex urges women to control their imaginations and their nonverbals on the first date and recommends that after the date, you let the man come to you.
‘On the first date, control your fantasies, control what you see in your mind for this guy,’ said Alex
‘You should not be texting the guy how great of a time you had with him’
TO TEXT OR NOT TO TEXT
Had a great date? Keep it to yourself.
‘You should not be texting the guy how great of a time you had with him,’ said Alex.
‘Even if he tells you to text him when you get home, don’t, that’s a trap. A guy that likes you will always text you that night.’
A guy that likes you will always text you after a date
To play it safe, Alex suggests replying the next morning. If you really want to respond that evening, you can, just not first.
‘You want to give him space to chase,’ Alex explains.
‘If he’s trying to play hard to get, he’ll text you the next day in the morning. If it’s the afternoon (like 2pm) that’s too late.’
BE A MEAN GIRL
Dating can be emotionally taxing, especially for “nice girls.”
According to Alex, the four biggest mistakes “nice girls” make are: forgiving too much, forgetting too often, being gullible and fearing confrontation.
‘Nice girls love too hard and they are blind, they see what they want to see,’ said the expert.
‘In a way they know they are lying to themselves, they just have to figure out how to become more assertive.’
Because of this, Alex says that men often see nice girls as weak and dumb.
‘Nice girls love too hard and they are blind, they see what they want to see,’ said the expert. ‘In a way they know they are lying to themselves, they just have to figure out how to become more assertive’
According to Alex, the hot and cold method is a very powerful tactic. ‘The most addictive relationships have a lot of highs and lows — hot and cold,’ he said
HOT AND COLD FOR THE WIN
There are many strategies to adopt to improve your chances at love.
According to Alex, the hot and cold method is a very powerful tactic.
‘The most addictive relationships have a lot of highs and lows — hot and cold,’ he said.
‘The most addictive relationships have a lot of highs and lows
‘Using the hot and cold method is the best way to sow confusion, to sow weakness; it makes people feel weak around you, it makes men obey you.’
Hotness (through compliments, attention or affection) alleviates any fears, it’s showing validation and it helps a guy not feel insecure around you.
Coldness is when you remove attention, it’s any form of discomfort that you make the guy feel, whether it’s acting aloof or not responding to a text with as much excitement as usual.
‘One day you’re happy, and the next you’re not. It’s a push and a pull.’
‘The most addictive relationships have a lot of highs and lows — hot and cold,’ he said
According to the couch, it’s the coldness that makes a guy think about you.
‘It’s what makes him want you, because it’s only when you’re not around that a guy is going to fantasize. Its in those moments of coldness that he wants to be around you.
‘But the only way for it to work is to make sure you give him a good amount of warmth so he can miss you.
‘The purpose of hot is to reward a guy. It can be with words and compliments; the warmth draws him in, it reinforces whatever behavior you want from him.
‘Use coldness right after he does something hat can be interpreted as wrong, but act as though its unintentional.’
‘Using the hot and cold method is the best way to sow confusion, to sow weakness; it makes people feel weak around you, it makes men obey you’
‘The way to prevent ghosting is to not meet them online,’ said Alex. ‘A lot of men on dating apps are on breaks from relationships and you don’t know it because you don’t know their history’
THE GHOSTER
Ghosting – when someone cuts off all communication without an explanation – can be super hurtful.
‘The way to prevent ghosting is to not meet them online,’ said Alex.
‘A lot of men on dating apps are on breaks from relationships and you don’t know it because you don’t know their history.
‘Studies show that marriages that last the longest are of couples who were introduced through friends.
‘It goes with evolution. People usually meet through their proximity, through who they know, their work, their activities etc..’
When you’re a part of the same social circle, Alex says men are less likely to disappear without a trace because they owe you a level of respect.
‘If you meet them online, of course he’s going to ghost you,’ he warns.
‘And if you continue to date online and have those experiences, you’re going to develop a complex that results in you thinking you’re the problem.
‘But you’re not, it’s the pool where you’re meeting those guys.’
‘Studies show that marriages that last the longest are of couples who were introduced through friends’
FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU; FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME
‘Always remember that people never do things just once,’ said Alex.
If a guy ghosts you, he’ll most likely ghost you again
‘When you see someone fighting in the streets, they are likely going to do that again. When you see someone arguing with a waitress at a restaurant, he’s probably done that before.’
If you entertain a man who has previously ghosted you, odds are high that he will do it again.
‘Its a pattern that keeps repeating itself. It’s a reflection of their character, it’s unchangeable.’
THE “BUSY” GUY
According to Alex, 99% of guys are never too busy.
He compares the situation to a “broke” friend who always has money for weed.
‘Your money goes toward what you value, and your time goes toward what you value,’ he explained.
‘If you want something, you will make time.
‘Excuses are just a way to rationalize a feeling they don’t want to tell you. Its just BS, you have to learn to read between the lines. There’s no such thing as too busy.’
THE NON-COMMITAL GUY
You cannot land a guy that doesn’t want to commit, according to Alex.
‘You can lower expectations but it’s outside of your control. If you happen to meet him at the right point in life when his hormones are changing and his testosterone is declining (men with high testosterone are less likely to commit), than maybe, but you can’t depend on luck.
‘Some women got lucky but its rare. If he doesn’t want to commit, find somebody else.’
You cannot land a guy that doesn’t want to commit, according to Alex. ‘Some women got lucky but its rare. If he doesn’t want to commit, find somebody else’
IF HE PULLS AWAY
According to Alex, your response to him pulling away depends on how long you have been together.
‘If he’s pulling away and it’s only been a few weeks or not official yet, then you should too because its still early, you don’t love him yet and he doesn’t like you enough.
‘Interest goes away after awhile and when they are not meant for you, they are going to loose interest really soon.’
Instead of getting upset, Alex says to be thankful because the guy is showing you who he is, and to use this time as a way to learn how to discard as quick as possible.
‘If you’ve been in a relationship for a few months, I would pull away slowly but also be open to conversation.
‘A big part of the conversation is letting him know that you are okay with losing him.
‘If you’ve been needy throughout the entire relationship and he pulls away, he’s not going to respect you standing up to him, so you have to do the work before he pulls away.’
‘It’s always good to find moments of conflict (or create them) so you can show who you are and that you are willing to walk away’
LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD
You become more desirable when he thinks he might lose you.
‘It’s always good to find moments of conflict (or create them) so you can show who you are and that you are willing to walk away.
‘The reason? Your reputation matters,’ says Alex.
It’s always good to find moments of conflict
‘And if he believes that you are someone that forgives easily and that is gullible, he’s going to test you more.
‘You prevent being tested by learning to project almost an intimidating aura, not in a toxic way but intimidating in “if you f*ck with me, I will leave you” way.’
Be willing to walk away and watch him run after you.
‘You prevent being tested by learning to project almost an intimidating aura, not in a toxic way but intimidating in “if you f*ck with me, I will leave you” way’
MAKING IT OFFICIAL
When do you know if the connection will turn into something real?
Alex believes it’s after 2-3 months.
At this point you should be seeing the guy more often and meeting his friends.
‘He should be getting a little jealous, you should see the road where you guys are headed, and if you don’t, it’s because he’s not showing you on purpose.
‘When a guy likes you it is obvious, everybody knows that he likes you.’
If you’re unsure about his feelings, Alex informs that you’re only making things worse if you try to find out.
And if the relationship isn’t going in the direction you want it to go in, he advises taking steps back.
‘If he likes you he’ll protest, he’ll tell you what’s going on and start making more of an effort.
‘If you leave and he lets you, you’ve saved time. A guy that likes you but lets you walk away doesn’t like you.
‘You have to learn to cut guys off as quick as possible because eventually you will meet that one guy whose feelings you don’t question.’
So be smart, ladies! Or as Alex would say, stay toxic!
For more love advice, visit Alex’s YouTube page, his website Mindful Attraction, or his Instagram.