At the moment I can’t quite keep up with the events in my life. Everything is changing at breakneck speed, and that sometimes makes me really nervous. I can’t predict what I will do in the coming year – everything has become so unstable.
When I arrived in Dachau in March, I was supposed to fill out a form at the district office stating how long I would be staying. I stated that I would probably be in Dachau by June 1st – so only a maximum of three months. I seriously believed that at the time and was sure that the war in Ukraine would be over by then.
When I handed the form to the district office in July, I had already corrected my information: instead of three months, I was planning to stay for a maximum of one year. At that moment I realized what a naïve girl I was back in March. I now understand that I will not return to Ukraine even this year. It’s still scary and dangerous there.
I used to be someone who made plans for life. By February 24, I had planned my life in advance and followed this plan to the letter. As I had planned, I had completed my law degree with a bachelor’s degree after three years and planned to have my master’s degree in my pocket and work as a lawyer in two more years.
I’ve started to hate the word “plan” now. I avoid it. The longest period I plan to do something for under the current circumstances is one month. Why? I can’t rent an apartment in Germany because I don’t have a stable full-time job. Why don’t I have it? Because I don’t speak German well enough and because my Ukrainian degrees are not recognized here. It’s a chain of reasons, all interrelated, that force me into haphazardness.
It is very difficult for my peace of mind to live without a plan. A German friend recently told me not to live for tomorrow, I should just enjoy every moment of the day. The only plan I’m sticking to at the moment is that I want to continue learning German.
That’s probably how most Ukrainians feel here now. Some also give up their plans and change everything again. For example, a Ukrainian friend of mine from the district of Dachau has now moved to northern Germany. She fell in love, made a decision – and spontaneously packed her things and was no longer in Bavaria three days later. She had a smile on her face, it was very easy for her to throw her plans overboard – I am sure that with this inner attitude she will be happy in every new place.