In Blue and company, Bea discovers one day that she can see everyone’s imaginary friends. A recurring theme in cinema with very varied representations of these imaginary friends. If we would like to share a good beer with Ted in the eponymous film or to hug Tom Hanks’ Wilson ball in Alone in the worldwe could qualify as a toxic friendship the friend of Donni Darko or Tony in Shining.
Fortunately, in most cases, in the real world, we can really count on our imaginary friend, explains Léa Didier, clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst: “The imaginary friend has a purely gratuitous role. It is used for play, for the pure pleasure of inventing, of scripting situations, of taming humor and tenderness but also of practicing social relationships and feeling protected.”
Moreover, the imaginary friend is very common in early childhood, continues Léa Didier: “The imaginary friend is very common among children between 2 and 6 years old and can last until preadolescence. It can also take the form of a cuddly toy, a soft toy, a Playmobil, any object that gives the child reflective and friendly abilities.
Our reader Anne, 61, tells us “For several years, until I was around 5, I had a very little girlfriend who lived under my swimsuit. It was in my hand and I think I only presented it to my mom. I told him what was bothering me. Being an only child I certainly needed to share things.” The imaginary friend is not the prerogative of only children, it is present in all types of siblings and in all environments.
And the parents in all this?
Parents may be confused by this invisible presence. The psychologist wants to be reassuring and does not encourage parents to behave as if this imaginary friend were part of the family’s life: “The adult can from time to time address the imaginary friend if it is as part of the game but should not integrate it as a member of the family. It is also his role to help the child to differentiate between reality and imagination.”
And should the omnipresence of the imaginary friend sometimes lead to worry? “In most cases, the imaginary friend brings pleasure to the child in the context of a game,” explains Léa Didier, “But if we feel that this friend makes the child sad or destabilizes him, that he is “naughty” or creates extra demands on the child, then it is important to ask yourself and understand if the child needs help.