My son, 11, is a talented soccer player and now has the opportunity to play for a Bundesliga club in the D youth. But he doesn’t really want to, because this step would change his life a lot. But the football coaches and my husband are trying to convince the boy that he should definitely take advantage of this opportunity. I don’t feel comfortable with it. Do I have to intervene? Ruth N, Herne
Margit Auer:
Margaret Auer is the author of the best-selling children’s book series “The School of Magical Animals”, which has now been printed more than seven million times and translated into 25 languages. She has three sons, almost all grown up, and lives in the middle of Bavaria.
(Photo: Auer)
Yes! You need to sit down with him seriously and consider whether a football career suits him. It’s his life, not your husband’s or the coach’s. How many players actually become successful later on? And happy? If your son just wants to play soccer, that’s perfectly fine. He is not responsible for fulfilling his father’s dreams. Should he try something new himself? Now I don’t know how severe the cuts would be (should he go to boarding school?) and whether there is an interim solution. Maybe your son is one of those who hesitate at first, but then get involved with enthusiasm. In that case, a “trial period” could be agreed: your son tries out the new club and decides after six weeks whether he wants to stay. Would there be something?
Herbert Renz upholstery:
Herbert Renz upholstery is a pediatrician, scientist and author of parenting guides and the blog “Understanding Children”. He has four adult children and lives in Ravensburg with his wife and youngest child.
(Photo: Random House)
Of course you have to intervene, you are the mother, you should know your son just as well as his coach and your husband. And I would also suspect that your son expects an opinion from you, whether he asks you directly or not. You obviously have a bad feeling – if only because you fear that your son will be taken by surprise. And that can definitely be the case with an eleven-year-old, he really needs a good lawyer now who will help him to look at the decision from different angles and to find his own voice. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you now have to throw your own opinion into the balance. Above all, if things are going well, you can help to create a discourse, i.e. a look at things from different angles, through which your son might see things more clearly. You might ask questions that haven’t been asked before. For example: Does an opportunity like this really only knock once for talented people? And: What exactly are his concerns? Does his sport “live” for him from the friendships and the trappings that he would lose? In the current constellation, it could actually be that such questions are simply “wiped away”. Your son now urgently needs someone to have his back.
Collien Ulmen Fernandes:
Collien Ulmen Fernandes is an actress and presenter. The mother of a daughter lives in Potsdam and wrote the bestselling children’s book “Lotti und Otto” and the parent guide “I’ll be a mom then”.
(Photo: Anatol Kotte)
I totally understand that it’s tempting for passionate parents to build their own brood into top football pros. They are usually popular, earn a lot of money, seem to have a carefree life, eat golden steaks from golden plates and are celebrated. You are lucky that you come to me with this question, because as luck would have it, I just read in a report that about 80 percent of all football professionals are bankrupt immediately after their career and march directly from the field to debt counseling. 80 percent! This is how the tragedy unfolds. I’m very sorry I don’t have better news for you, but the good news is: she can prevent that. All you have to do is listen to your son. If he really wants to pursue a professional career, you should not deny him this opportunity. However, it seems as if he didn’t want to become a celebrated top soccer player who eats golden steaks from golden plates, but just to play soccer for the joy of it. Maybe he read the same report as I did. Listen to your son! He seems to know what’s good for him.