When people talk about sexuality and being queer today, the focus is very much on the younger generations – especially on Generation Z and therefore on people who were born between 1997 and 2012. It’s then about social networks, about education and representation. And that younger people increasingly see themselves as not heterosexual. “The younger, the queerer,” seems to be the tenor of many discussions. But being queer is neither a question of age nor a fashion trend. “Queerness has always existed. Even in art or literature,” says Katja Zimmer. She had a relationship with her partner Melanie for a year; The couple married last fall. In his mid-fifties.
The two women from Freising do not belong to Generation Z – in their youth, sexuality was considered a taboo topic and being queer was often laden with negative clichés, making coming out difficult for many people. The couple met with SZ Freising to talk about their late coming out and the stereotypes that often exist towards lesbian women. Both women actually have different names, but want to remain anonymous in this text.
“I actually noticed that I liked women when I was at school. Back then I had a crush on a teacher,” remembers Katja Zimmer. Nevertheless, she did not think further about her sexuality, nor did she explore or live out her feelings. “I didn’t realize at the time that I could be a lesbian.” That’s not surprising. When sexuality was discussed at all in class back then, a purely binary gender system was taught and penetration was presented as a normal form of sexual intercourse. Being lesbian, being queer – that wasn’t discussed. “It was an absolute taboo topic at the time and was not discussed further,” remembers Melanie Zimmer.
Added to this were the drawers filled with negative clichés and stereotypes. Lesbian women were often excluded, described as man’s wives or those who did not get a male partner, says Katja Zimmer. “Lesbian women were often portrayed in a very negative way.”
In West Germany, the so-called guilt principle applied to divorces until 1977. A marriage could only be dissolved if one person was guilty of something wrong, such as infidelity. But women who fell in love with other women and wanted to leave their husbands because of it were also considered guilty. As a result, they received neither maintenance nor custody of their children. Such judgments continued until the 1980s and resulted in additional exclusion and stigmatization of lesbian women in society. In the former GDR, gays and lesbians were considered contrary to “socialist morals and ethics”. They were therefore discriminated against in public; State security monitored the queer scene until the 1980s.
“People were afraid of how they would tell their parents.”
Existing stereotypes, inadequate education – all of this has led to people not questioning their own sexuality, says Katja Zimmer, and has made the process of self-discovery more difficult. “People were afraid of how they would tell their parents,” describes Melanie Zimmer. “The process back then was so difficult, the topic was taboo. It wasn’t possible to deal with it as openly as it is today,” adds Katja Zimmer. When did she come out? In his late forties. The first marriage to a man ended in divorce for a long time, and both children spent a long time abroad. “I had time to deal with myself and reflect.”
She remembers that those around her reacted positively to her late coming out. And especially for her, it was a liberation; a lot of things were simplified as a result. Have there been any negative reactions? Katja Zimmer shakes her head vehemently. “No, everyone reacted great.” This was also the case with her wife Melanie, who came out in 1997. “My family was totally open and great. Everyone accepted it straight away,” she says. The change in society is definitely noticeable.
They never experienced negative reactions or discrimination in Freising
According to the two women, they never experienced negative reactions or discrimination in Freising. The couple deals with their marriage transparently, both at work and with their neighbors. “Every now and then there are glances, but they are usually very friendly.” Only once, says Katja Zimmer, was there a situation that caused her fear: “I was walking with my partner and we were looked at so badly. I thought we were being kicked from behind.” There was no physical attack. But looks alone could trigger a bad feeling and fear, warns Katja Zimmer. “This situation hurt me very much.”
The couple sees it very positively that queer people are now treated more openly and that they are better represented, especially in the media. This could already help to refute stereotypes and clichés. “Visibility and naturalness are particularly important,” emphasizes Melanie Zimmer. Queerness is something normal and that’s how it should be portrayed in the media, adds her wife.