The lunch box is one of the biggest money-wasting machines in the parent universe. There must be a black hole somewhere in Munich that specializes in the cans and greedily swallows them. More black holes devour gym bags and hair ties, and when winter soon comes, the infamous wool glove throat opens. But the lunchbox hole is clearly the hungriest of all.
The school year is less than four days old and the first food box has already gone missing. Presumably including the contents, but unfortunately it is no longer possible to determine exactly whether the black hole took the lunch box and the cheese bread or perhaps the school child took the cheese bread without the lunch box beforehand. Option two would be better, because sometimes the hole turns out to be merciful and spits the box out again after weeks or even months. Then you find them, for example, in a locker or in the side compartment of the sports bag, and if the cheese bread is still in there, it’s a furry affair.
Researchers suspect the entrance of the lunch box eater to be in a Bermuda triangle consisting of a classroom, a sports locker room and a bus stop, but despite all scientific efforts it has not yet been able to locate it. What is certain, however, is that all black holes in schools lead directly to hell. Into a hell called the “lost and found box”.
It ranks high on the parental horror shocker scale. Nurtured by faith in St. Anthony and the hope of being able to quickly close the gap in the inventory of lunch boxes and gym bags, you dig through a pile of moldy rain jackets and cheese-footed sports shoes; rubber gloves and a nose clip are helpful for survival. But no matter how hard you search, success is limited. If you miraculously found the missing one among all the bread boxes sitting merrily around, it is definitely the version that “includes a cheese bread mummy”. The height of despair is reached when you see dozens of identical gym bags that the support association once generously distributed.
There may be dark forces behind the whole lost-and-found business. Criminologists are currently following a hot lead: The rubber glove and nose clip industry may have hired hackers to gain access to school websites and publish the sentence “Our treasure chest is overflowing.” And boom, sales figures skyrocket.
Anyone who reads the sentence in question should contact Soko “Schwarzes Loch” immediately. A year’s supply of lunch boxes is being offered as a reward for information that leads to the capture of the perpetrators.