It took nine months to transform these repeated gestures into rituals. A coffee swallowed place Dauphine just before rushing into the security lock deployed at the entrance to the Paris courthouse. A sandwich shared on the wooden benches scattered in the dining room or a drink exchanged at the Annex or at the Two Palaces, these bistros transformed into the headquarters of the victims of the trial of the November 13 attacks.
From a distance, the daily also adapted to the pace of the trial for certain survivors of terrorist attacks. Almost every lunchtime, sitting at her desk and wearing headphones, Sophie connects to the web radio site, which allows her to follow the debates live. As the verdict approaches, expected on June 29, the Lyonnaise apprehends: “I know that the next day, by reflex, I will connect and that there will be nothing”. This silence, after a morally and physically exhausting marathon trial for the parties, is now on everyone’s mind.
A “fight” and a “need”
To glimpse the void left by this end of the trial, we must first measure the place taken by the hearing in the lives of the civil parties who have chosen to follow it. “It obviously took too much,” judge Arthur Dénouveaux. Survivor of the Bataclan and president of the Life for Paris association which brings together hundreds of survivors of the attacks, the 30-year-old has lived in recent months like a “permanent fight”. A struggle to balance all aspects of his life, professional and personal. “There was an addictive side with times when I really wanted to attend the hearings but it became a headache to get organized,” says the polytechnician, father of two little girls.
Like Arthur, Vincent, victim of the attack committed by Brahim Abdeslam at the Voltaire counter, was “snatched up” by the trial. Without any particular expectation at the time of the opening, except that of seeing justice pass and testifying, the Parisian realized that the trial “interested him much more” than he imagined. For Sophie, this interest has even turned into a necessity. However, when the trial began, “there was a very administrative side and the reading of the facts was particularly long. I was listening but I said to myself ‘We’re going to be pissed off, it’s a horror'”, she smiles before continuing: “I was doing myself a little violence, I had waited for this moment for years, it was more of an obligation at the beginning. And very quickly, it became a need”.
The return of nightmares
But this need had a cost, recognized most of the civil parties interviewed by 20 minutes. The length of certain days has tired bodies and the violence of the facts debated has damaged minds. “I don’t even count the times I’ve dreamed of the courtroom or the defendants! “says David, photographer and ex-hostage of the Bataclan. “The nightmares came back, the sleep was bad. It monopolized our minds, the trial remained there, suspended in our heads”, abounds Catherine, also present in the Paris concert hall on the evening of November 13, 2015.
Along with his victim and civil party status, David also wishes A diary “ published on the website of France Info. For more than 130 days, he wrote down his feelings, his anger, the laughter sometimes or the overflow of pain that was expressed at the bar. “I came home some evenings with writing work. I sacrificed quite a bit of time with my relatives and my friends for the benefit of the time lived here, at the Assize Court. It encroached on all aspects of my life but keeping this diary also allowed me to take the bull by the horns and to be active during the hearing so as not to suffer it, ”analyzes the French Chilean.
The fear of emptiness “
Propelled into this judicial “bubble”, David began to wonder a few months ago: “What will remain of this trial in my life? “. Aware of living a “special moment”, the former bartender says he has found a certain “stability” in the media exercise proposed by France Info. “It’s not my job to be here. I am a victim of the attacks, it’s not my job to write texts for a media. Even if I’m passionate about it, I know it’s going to end and that creates apprehension, ”he breathes.
Another question also crosses all the victims and their relatives who came to attend the hearings: Will the strength of the ties between them continue after the verdict? “We lived such a strong moment together… I’m afraid of losing these moments of sharing. But I’m not fooled, I know we’re going to have to go back on our respective roads, ”judges Vincent. The vitality of the two victims’ associations – Life for Paris and 13Onze15 – could, however, make it possible to perpetuate these relationships forged over the course of the trial. Mobilized on this subject, Arthur Dénouveaux says he is confident: “The hearing has strengthened our community and we have seen that we can count on each other. The objective now is to work to maintain this collective and to support our members in the future”.
A symbolic charge
To best manage this transition period, everyone is organizing and anticipating. “I know that the void is going to be complicated to manage so I am looking for a shrink to be able to digest these months of trial and the verdict”, explains Sophie. A meeting, proposed by the French Association of Victims of Terrorism (AFVT) is already scheduled for the day after the verdict to “know how to face the weeks to come without the rhythm of hearings and meetings at trial”.
Catherine, administrator within this organization, will participate alongside a lawyer and other survivors of past attacks. The graphic designer and illustrator has also made it her mission to prepare the civil parties for the future trial of the Nice attacks. “Their trial must take place in the same room, from September 2022. This project forced me to project myself into the post-trial”, she greets.
The prospect of the end of the “V13” as the judicial authorities have called it, is not only a source of concern or anxiety. A few weeks before the magistrates’ decision is rendered, impatience and relief are also being felt. “It’s time for this to stop. Personally, I found in this trial what I had come to look for. I feel ripe for the verdict, ”says Arthur Dénouveaux.
As for the symbolic load, it seems immense in the eyes of Sophie. “For six years, I asked myself: ‘What next?’ There was the attack, then my operations, then my reconstruction, then the investigation, then the trial. Even if there is a call, getting to the end of this stage is what I need to turn the page and start a new chapter, ”hopes the Lyonnaise. Catherine, she makes this simple wish: “After the verdict, I would like to be able to speak in the past tense. To say ‘I have been’ and no longer ‘I am a victim’ of an attack”.