“It was 7 a.m. and I felt like shit. Like every time I woke up and realized there was a new day to trudge through.” Annette Mierswa’s new youth novel “Love yourself, who can” begins with this little edifying introduction.
Jacob is an outsider in his class. He has no self-esteem, suffers from his “rumination generator” and has regular panic attacks. At school, he is mocked as a Yeti because of his many leg hairs. His family doesn’t give him stability either – on the contrary: his father calls him a wimp, his brothers use him as a welcome victim for their rough jokes, his mother works a lot. Jakob only finds refuge in the virtual world of a computer game by identifying himself with his avatar. He’s only a stable boy, but at least he has enormous powers.
Then one day, out of the blue, Jakob gets a call from Lotti. She’s a Head Girl and stunningly beautiful. After a few unsuccessful phone calls and meetings, it turns out that Lotti is looking for someone to accompany her on a hike lasting several days and was thinking of Jakob of all people. He is “her last hope”.
The latter cannot believe his luck and doubts both Lotti’s intentions and his suitability as a protective companion.
You will understand later why Lotti trusts Jakob and sees him as a kindred spirit. The latter cannot believe his luck and doubts both Lotti’s intentions and his suitability as a protective companion. Lotti’s goal is an ominous château where she wants to take a relaxing vacation.
So the unlikely couple set off with a tent and hiking gear. It soon becomes clear that Lotti also has something to hide and is anything but stable emotionally. She warns Jakob: “Well, if I’m somehow weird, want to turn back or something, then don’t let it, okay? If necessary, drag me after you. Promise?”
On the way, the two meet a lot of weird characters: a narcissistic but disoriented prologue named Gott with a weakness for show-off cars, the “forest woman” Gunda, who lives in a remote house with her severely disabled son, a group of climate activists who occupy trees with it these are not liked, or a boy with cancer who only does things that he put on a “do before die list”. In the end, the hike turns into an exciting obstacle course when an unsympathetic classmate tracks down Jakob and Lotti.
All of these shared experiences bring both of them further. Jakob is better able to accept himself as he is, and Lotti finally accepts that she needs psychiatric help. Since the story is told from Jakob’s point of view in the first-person perspective, the depiction of Lotti’s inner life is a bit short. You only learn something about the female main character indirectly and from the dialogues.
Annette Mierswa immerses the reader in the almost uncontrollable merry-go-round of thoughts and feelings of a young outsider with little self-esteem but many psychological problems. (from 14 years) Holger Moos
Annette Mierswa: Love each other who can. Loewe, 2021. 240 pages, 6.95 euros.