love life
How you can – and should – use different types of stimulation during sex
There are several ways to climax – but some of them take practice
© KatarzynaBialasiewicz / iStock
There isn’t just one way to climax during sex. But often only the classic areas for arousal are trained. Sexologist Dania Schiftan explains how we can change that and why it really makes sense.
Whether nipples, anus, clitoris, glans or penis: During sexual intercourse there are numerous places on the body that can be stimulated and thus used with pleasure. And not just during foreplay, but also to get to the climax. But that takes practice, explains sexologist and psychotherapist Dania Schiftan star. The expert reveals what we should pay attention to when stimulating different parts of the body.
Vaginal stimulation: doesn’t it even exist?
Schiftan says: “Everyone gets used to other places where he or she gets excited.” Many women would usually first discover the clitoral head and use it specifically for stimulation. Sometimes it stays that way and other parts of the body are neglected during masturbation. It is also often said that women are quickest and most likely to orgasm clitorally and that vaginal orgasms are less common.
The sexologist explains, however, that there is actually no difference between a clitoral and vaginal orgasm: “The clitoris is much larger than many people think. When a woman is stimulated vaginally, the clitoris is always stimulated too, namely in the form of the clitoris If a woman wants to feel more in the vagina during intercourse, she really has to stimulate these individual sections and areas in it regularly, piece by piece. So practice, practice, practice. ” Schiftan also advocates this in her book “Coming Soon: Orgasm is a matter of practice“.
But not only the orgasm needs to be practiced, also the sex. How this can work is in the follow-up “Keep It Coming: Good sex is a matter of practice“written.” Many couples are confronted with the reality that they have learned very different types of stimulation. A typical example: The woman has learned to stimulate the clitoris, for example by running over it in a circle. But the man has learned to rub the penis with relatively high pressure. Of course, that doesn’t go together because the vagina is not so sensitized and the penis may have too little friction in the soft vagina. “
As a result, the sexologist and psychotherapist is often confronted in her practice with the fact that couples think that they are sexually incompatible. And therefore love each other too little. “And that’s just not true. We can relearn and expand the things that we are learning. Couples can gradually each: learn to expand their own pattern for themselves, in order to then have more and more areas of overlap.” To do this, everyone has to train different sensitive parts of the body in order to be able to use them with pleasure and thus also help them to orgasm during sex.
Anal plug for anal stimulation
The first step in women is certainly to get to know the different areas of the vagina. Practicing can also be applied to other sensitive parts of the body: for example, both women and men can learn about anal stimulation. “Like everything on the body, the anus is absolutely sensitive, it has more receptors there. But if these are not exercised and thus not combined with pleasure, then it will not work. If you stick with it and practice, they can be very pleasurable Sex are used. ” Caution should be exercised with anal stimulation: “Unnecessary pressure should be avoided. Most of the time you want to go too fast. But the anus is even more used to closing than the vagina. And if you try to go against it with pressure and tension, then the body has painful experiences. We should take our time to really develop the anal region in peace, “explains Dania Schiftan.
In addition, sexologist Megwyn White from the sex toy brand Satisfyer says: “We should really train the receptors in the anus and an anal plug is a good way of doing this.” A Butt plug, Also called butt plug or butt plug, is a sextoy that has a kind of cone shape with a tip. This makes it easier to insert into the anus. The shaft is narrow, but the end is wide so that the anal plug cannot get into the intestine. For beginners, it makes sense to start with a small size and then, with a little more experience, use larger models or one vibrating anal plug to use. Silicone is also more comfortable at the beginning, but if necessary, you can switch to stainless steel.
An anal plug is suitable for both men and women
White thinks that men should also use these sex toys to benefit from different types of stimulation. “Anapplug helps to discover muscles, to activate them and to train them for arousal.” You have to do this carefully and patiently and make sure to use lubricant when using such an aid. An anal plug can either be used in preparation for anal sex or to activate the receptors. However, it can also be worn during a different sex position in order to provide additional stimulation and to remain in the anus for up to 90 minutes without any problems. After use, an anal plug should of course be cleaned thoroughly. The sexologists agree, however, that we should not only use sex toys for exercise, but also always include partners, so as not to forget about physical contact and not only to rely on aids.
Multiple stimulation: there is one thing to watch out for
So it makes sense to involve and train different sensitive areas of the body during sex, says Dania Schiftan. Not only so that there is more overlap area for stimulation in couples, but also to be able to excite several areas at the same time, if necessary. But there is one thing to note: “If, for example, I am used to stimulating my clitoris with high pressure, but then at the same time start stimulating the vagina, it can happen that the touch in the vagina distracts me so much that I myself can no longer concentrate on the clitoris. ” Therefore, the following procedure makes sense: “Only when I really develop the regions and make them excitable can I actually benefit from them during sex and increase the stimulation.”
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