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“Why Men Love Bitches” – why young women read an ancient dating bible
Is the internet making young women addicted to applause?
Why is an old relationship guide that tells women not to be too nice but to show their claws again? Author Sherry Argov fears that selfies and nudes are leading young women back into old ways.
“Why Men Love Bitches” is a relationship guide for women from 2002 – after almost 20 years the book has reappeared on the British bestseller lists, now TikTok videos with the hashtag whymenlovebitches have reached well over ten million views. When the book came out, smartphones didn’t even exist. Author Sherry Argov isn’t quite as surprised by the revival. She points out that the book was not written for teenagers, but for women in their twenties and upwards. “I think it appeals to teenagers and the TikTok crowd today because they have to deal with a lot more much earlier,” she told the Times.
Education in old patterns
What is amazing to her is that social media is now teaching the very wrong backward-looking values that women used to be raised with. The women back then were taught, “as long as I’m beautiful, as long as I dress nicely and wear the right shoes and cater to his fantasies, he’ll buy me a house and pay all the bills and be faithful to me forever.”
The internet’s addiction to getting applause for beauty and nice clothes and the enactment of male fantasies leads to similar expectations. Young women find themselves caught in a social media trap. Selfies, she says, “call out for desperation,” naked selfies are “a terrible idea,” and the internet and dating apps “have made women seem more available, and that’s not good for women.” She wrote her books for women who are too nice, needy, caring or available because they have been socially conditioned to be that way.
Men take advantage of weakness
From studying her books, Argov had learned even then that these recipes from grandmothers’ days no longer worked, but that men took advantage of them. Men know very well, she says, when they’re being disrespectful, but they try anyway. It is up to the woman not to put up with something like that. Another message from Argov: neediness, desperation, and attachment are generally not attractive. But independence is. If women don’t have standards, they won’t be treated well. “I don’t think a woman should rely on the internet for self-esteem. My message is the opposite of what they’re getting through social media. I call it self-worth because it comes from within.”
Stand on their own legs
Because of course Argov does not mean “bitches” in the sexual sense. The book called on women to appear self-confident and self-determined. At that time, women were desperately after men just so they wouldn’t be alone. “They’ve often gotten involved with men too quickly, and that was a perfect example of where that leads, which is often nowhere.” In fact, most men would have fallen in love when a woman stood up for herself.
“Women crave romance, men crave mystery. They love the feeling of being on the brink. What I teach women is how to make him feel so he doesn’t take her for granted. It It’s really very simple: you have to stand up for yourself.”
Her books have been perfectly summed up by a father who gave one to his daughter. He wrote to her: “I want my daughter to read your books, but I would never want my wife to read them.”