After the “AIDS generation” of the children of the 80s and 90s, the “porn generation”? According to a study by Arcom, 51% of boys aged 12-13 visit an adult site at least once a month. A vertiginous figure, which underlines the recurring failure of the establishment of an effective barrier to the entry of pornographic sites. An exhibition that most parents ignore, or do not want to see.
What does this study reveal about the porn consumption habits of minors? Why do parents fall into a form of denial of this phenomenon? How to break the taboo and broach the subject with your child? The author of Tell Your Kids About Porn Before The Internet Does*, Anne de Labouret, answered questions from 20 minutes.
How much do minors consume pornography?
According to the Arcom survey with Médiamétrie, 2.3 million minors consulted pornographic sites in 2022, for an average of 49 minutes per month. A constantly increasing number. “All young people consult porn, it’s more and more mixed and younger and younger”, explain Anne de Labouret. Thus, if 55% of adult men and 20% of women regularly watch porn, this is the case for 59% of boys and 27% of girls among teenagers aged 14 and 15.
“It happens with the tools that we put in their hands, because children have smartphones with Internet access very young,” warns the former biology teacher. In fact, the Arcom study estimates that 83% of minors use their mobile phone to consult these sites. “Before, there was only one computer for the family, nine-key telephones, teenagers had access to porn around 15 years old. Now, the consultation begins in primary school, around 9 years old, ”underlines Anne de Labouret. “They are curious, it’s natural, but they will come across shocking and inappropriate images”.
Why is there parental denial about teenage porn use?
At the end of the awareness workshops in which she sometimes takes part, Anne de Labouret meets parents “who have taken a hit on the head”. Not so much out of idealization of their child, but above all “because they did not experience this situation, had access to pornography later”. These parents grew up with the first computers, “have a good command of computers and feel like they are doing what is necessary”. But in reality, they are “little aware of what their children see on the Internet”.
“It’s easier not to broach the subject,” she laments. She wants “parents to realize” the importance of the subject despite the difficulty of talking about it, because exposure to all facets of porn so young “has an impact on the psyche and the relationships” that the child will eventually develop. “Despite all the precautions you take, you don’t know what the neighbor is doing,” she points out, recalling that children and teenagers “share with their friends” what they see on the Internet.
How to get out of the taboo and talk about porn to your child or teenager?
Don’t worry, there’s no need to go into the big unboxing, take an anatomy class or even have “the” discussion with your child years before it’s needed. But for Anne de Labouret, prevention begins as soon as the child has independent access to a screen. For the youngest, we can start with “be careful, there are things that are not for you, violence or people all naked, and if you see any, come and talk to me about it”. Like a “don’t talk to people you don’t know on the street”, you have to repeat the message over and over again.
Then, from primary school, “explain that it’s cinema, to pretend”, even “that there are special effects”, like when “Harry Potter flies away on his broom”. The more time passes, the more we can take advantage of it to “deconstruct the image of porn” and explain “violence, rape”. Insist that these videos will “give them the wrong idea”. There is no point in tackling the discussion head-on: it is better to “draw the thread from what is said on TV or the radio”. And in passing “make respect for consent the central point of what we are going to say”. With all this, we can hope to prevent minors from developing a “very standardized, schematized” vision of sexuality, the discovery of which should be “much more personal and fulfilling”.