In the early days, dear children, really in the Stone Age, when people still used corded telephones, my uncle, well, how should he put it, took a hit on a joint. OK, maybe a couple of times. That was so long ago that it really isn’t worth sending out a SEK right now to detonate smoke bombs or stun grenades in my uncle’s apartment and kick down doors to look in his box of exercise books for cigarette butts that still have Find DNA evidence from the 1982 youth center party. That was a super party. Fully legendary.
But the Bavarian police and the CSU show no mercy when it comes to the degenerate hash brothers and sisters. You can literally feel the anger that rises in a member of the CSU when he has ordered a second beer at the strong beer festival: Smoking weed is simply not part of the Bavarian canon of values. Want to ban everything, even the combustion engine, but allow drugs, are you nuts in Berlin?
Of course, the uncle still remembers the boys from the Junge Union very well, who were even more enthusiastic about a gram of black Afghan than they were about Franz Josef Strauss. And when the uncle looks at the staff of the CSU, he suspects that one or the other has extensive drug experience even today.
In the days of corded telephones, however, the uncle was also a bit stupid. Like everyone else, he read Carlos Castaneda’s books and babbled on about expanding consciousness. But when smartass showed up and lectured that there was much better stuff than grass, he said goodbye to his circle of friends. Later he met a friend in court again: He had attacked a pharmacy and was suffering from polytoximania – and AIDS in the final stages. Another slurred at his uncle that his driver’s license had been taken away, so the press had to do something about it. And then there was the classmate who stole a friend’s wallet in a beer garden to get heroin. The list could be extended, but the column only has 60 lines. Therefore, dear children, be warned: Better keep your hands off it. And if you’re already smoking weed, then don’t get caught – neither by the police nor by your uncle.