“We got intimate during our first vacation without children”

That’s it, we’ve been waiting for them all year, and they’re finally here: summer vacation! Forget the daily grind, work, transportation and all the little worries that bother us more than they should. It’s time for swimming, naps, barbecues, while the swimsuit becomes the official outfit for everyone.

The opportunity to relax and, for couples, to take advantage of these summer holidays to let the temperature rise a little more under the sheets. But in practice, is summer really hotter for couples’ sexuality? A priori, it depends on who, as our readers tell us.

“We are too tired”

Mathilde, 34, whose summer vacation starts on this bank holiday of August 15, doesn’t think about it too much. “Wow! Sex at the moment is not really our concern with my partner,” confides the mother of an 18-month-old Marcel. Our vacation in the South with the little one, we are looking forward to it, to rest, spend quality time together, and sleep! Especially since with the little one running around everywhere, the vacation days are going to be sporty, she adds. They won’t be “hot” and relaxing vacations like at the beginning of our relationship! And that’s OK: we are in a period where we are too tired and focused on our son to have an overflowing libido. We talk about it among ourselves in an uninhibited way, we know that it’s a phase, and that doesn’t stop us from loving each other, being cuddly and close. We’ll do somersaults again when a full night’s sleep doesn’t make us dream any more than an orgasm!” jokes the young mother.

The opportunity to recall that if for many couples, summer can be hotter, “there is no question of putting pressure on ourselves and giving in to the injunctions of overflowing sexuality, insists Dr. Patrick Papazian, sexologist and author of Talk to me about love (ed. L’Opportun). Before the summer, I remind the couples I follow as a precaution that if the summer doesn’t go in “sea, sex and sun” mode, that’s not a big deal! It means that they needed to rest, to have fun, that it wasn’t necessarily the time for sex and that’s not a problem, it will start again later. This is a phase that couples who are parents of young children go through in particular, where the summer holidays are perhaps even the least restful period of the year, and the libido is relegated to the background. Some manage to allow themselves naughty naps by going to a club hotel and signing up the children for activities, allowing the whole family to have fun, and the parents to get together. But not everyone has the possibility. This doesn’t mean that the holidays will be less good, simply that for the couple, sex is less of a priority at the moment.”

“When we are alone with my partner, it’s really great”

On the other hand, when this phase ends, the summer holidays without children can be an opportunity to discover a second golden age of sex in your relationship. Like Catherine, 62, for whom “the summer holidays, the sun and the heat make my husband and I have a maximum libido. It’s harder when the children and grandchildren are with us. But when we’re alone with my partner, it’s really great! It’s true that the light clothing and sensual attentions of the day increase the excitement, even if we’re no longer spring chickens with our 40 years of living together!” Same wind of naughty freedom for Thomas: “We can’t stop! It must be said that when you remove the pressure of daily work, it leaves your mind more available for other things…”

And this summer revival among couples who no longer have their children on vacation is not surprising: “It is probably also because these are the couples whose libido has been the most impacted by all aspects of daily life, between the children to manage and the stress of work, says Dr. Papazian. And we know how much stress is the worst enemy of the libido. So finding freedom like on the first day is rather good for the libido. And classically, summer is a more favorable time to find yourself in your relationship: we are more relaxed, our bodies are more exploded, we are more at ease, we reinvest our body, we let go and we possibly do a little sport, we have fun, we spend more time outside in the sun: so many things that we do much less during the year, which boost morale and which inevitably affect sexuality.”

A rediscovery of intimacy

Hervé and his wife are enjoying this second golden age of sex: “At just 50 years old, my wife and I have just spent our first vacation without children, in the sun and free from the stress of work. And it is true that this has allowed us to find ourselves intimately speaking in a way that has not been the case for a long time.” A testimony that Dr. Papazian often hears in consultations. “At one time, we talked a lot about the empty nest syndrome, about couples who risked looking at each other like dogs when they found themselves alone together, and in reality, many say how great it is, and explain that they feel freed from pressure, and rediscover the happiness of being together. For them, it is a second youth.”

A second youth and a second golden age of sex where even after 50, you can enjoy a sexuality that would make young couples pale. “When you have passed the test of raising children, gone through ups and downs while maintaining good communication in your relationship, this phase can mark a very fulfilling renewal, analyzes Dr. Papazian. Especially in this recent context where we are talking more and more about the sexuality of seniors, and where speech is becoming more open. Women are increasingly aware that menopause does not mean the end of sexuality, and men no longer hesitate to consult in the event of erection problems. These subjects are de-dramatized and this promotes sexual fulfillment.”

A blossoming marked for some by innovation. “I receive couples over 50 or 60 who explore things in their intimacy, on the occasion of this second sexual golden age. Some discover non-penetrative sexuality, which can be a fun axis, outside of injunctions. And others set off to discover more surprising practices. There are no limits as long as we have fun, we know how to speak to each other kindly and we want to try new things together.”

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