Tonight you have decided not to consume alcohol and to continue with your Dry January. But arrived at the bar, your friend is determined to make you change your mind. Faced with your lemon Perrier, he tries to convince you, going from “honestly you should taste this wine, it’s excellent” to “roh, you’re not funny” through “it’s okay, it’s just a drink!” You’re going to tell us, “just say ‘no'”. Well if you think this magic word can shatter the insistence of your neighbor at the table, it’s because you were lucky and never came across this nightmare. Because sometimes you can repeat “no, thank you”, it’s as if you’re talking in a vacuum.
To deal with pushy people who want to make you drink like their life depended on it, we asked advice from two former alcohol addicts who had been sober for years. Between answers tinged with humor and well-rehearsed tactics, they give their tips to 20 minutes.
A “no, thank you” not always heard
Already, you can start by saying “no, thank you, I don’t drink”, without giving any further explanation. “In the vast majority of cases, that will be enough”, testifies Yann Alex G, patient expert in addiction and author of the book Sacred descent: understanding alcoholism, how everything is done to encourage us to drink. As a sober, I can say, we get a hell of a lot about saying “no” but often people have their own problems. They don’t care whether we drink alcohol or not. »
But saying “no” remains difficult and the fear of hurting or upsetting the other is never far away. “In France, refusing alcohol is also refusing conviviality, continues the former addict. It’s embedded in our culture. When you say “no”, you are also seen as boring, not funny. In his eyes, this social pressure exists even more among the younger generation.
Honesty, humor or provocation: the choice is yours
If the “alleeeez, just a little!” continue to fuse despite the famous three-letter word (“no”, for those who have not followed), you can, if you wish, explain your approach. “We can do it with some people, but it really depends on those around us,” said Carole Gazon, co-founder of the Facebook group Alcohol for Women. If saying “I challenged myself, I’m doing the Dry January” is rather simple, explain that we are trying to stop drinking because we realized that we had a problematic relationship with alcohol is less. So sometimes, we can keep our honesty in our pocket, and bring out humor, irony or provocation.
In his book, Yann Alex has identified a whole host of answers to give. First, the irony card (passive-aggressive option), which reads something like “Do I ask you, why are you drinking alcohol?” The humor card: “I have exhausted my quota. Or even that of provocation: “Do you want me to drink alcohol? Very well. But afterwards I no longer answer for anything and I am capable of the worst! If after that, your friend hands you a pint, it’s time to ask questions about your friendships… or your friends’ drinking.
Always have a full glass of soft drink
If you feel incapable of joking or getting into the bacon of your friends, Yann Alex offers a last resort to finally shut them up: lies. “You can say that we are taking medication or that we are preparing for the next marathon”. However, this former alcohol addict advises against this strategy because “you can’t lie forever. »
For people who do not want to go into explanations, Carole Gazon offers trickery by using a well-known stratagem of former addicts. At weddings or corporate drinks, “always have a hand-filled soft drink. No one can fill it for you. A well-honed tactic by Yann Alex. “Often people don’t even realize that it’s not alcohol we’re drinking. You now have all the keys in hand to keep your commitment for 31 days (at least) without alcohol. “And if the person insists after three refusals, change friends,” concludes Yann Alex. Radical but effective.