On Tuesday I fried scrambled eggs and bananas for my little Taliah and I for dinner. Then my grandmother called, who lives in Uganda, in the same house where I grew up. Her voice softened as she began to talk about that time. It was like I could hear her smiling over the phone.
It’s a romantic idea: a house, a garden, raising cute children. And eventually the grandchildren. For my grandmother these were the most important decades in life. In Munich, on the other hand, you don’t have to look far to find people who think differently. Some say it openly, including women: “I don’t want to have children.”
There are many people here who reject the standard family narrative and believe that not having children is the right way to go. Why is it so different here?
My grandmother comes from a large family and eventually founded a family herself – a normal size for Uganda. She gave birth to nine children, two of whom died in childbirth. Her husband, my grandfather, left the family early. And yet my grandmother managed to raise my mother and her six siblings. She was a single parent, one would say in Munich, but actually she wasn’t.
The difference is that in parts of Africa, including Uganda, children are born for the community. The many relatives in the area help as a matter of course with the care and education. Not least because children are a safeguard. They take care of their parents when they are old and tired. That’s why sentences like “I don’t want to have children” are practically unthinkable there.
Before I became a mom for the first time, my grandma kept calling and asking when I was finally thinking of giving her a great-grandchild. And since I gave birth to Taliah four years ago, she’s always been asking when Taliah’s siblings number one through at least four can be expected.
It is not so easy to explain to a Ugandan woman in her 80s why Taliah has no siblings yet. The reasons are varied and, as so often in life, not always clear.
Most women here want to work to be independent. I’m no different. However, there is less time for the family. In addition, many Munich residents only take time for themselves: for the gym, the cinema or to watch football.
In Munich it is noticeable that people rely heavily on the state pension system – or on their own savings. In my opinion, children play less of a role in these considerations. And this is perhaps where the crux of the matter lies: Without the birth of children, there will soon be fewer and fewer people paying these pensions. And then?
The conversation with my grandmother ended with the fact that I left it open to myself whether and how many siblings my Taliah would have. I’m not sure if she really understands me: I don’t have an extended family here like grandma used to have. That’s how it is with most of the young Munich families I know. You can’t expect friends and neighbors to help you on a regular basis here. Because they have children themselves, work, household. And then cinema, Champions League and gym. In my case, I can say that I can get along well without football and fitness. When I told her that, my grandma smiled again over the phone.
Their escape led three journalists to Munich. In the weekly column “Typically German” write down which peculiarities of the new homeland you have adopted in the meantime.