Stereotypes
Why compliments can also reinforce clichés
Giving compliments is not that easy. photo
© Boris Roessler/dpa
Compliments usually trigger something positive. But they can also reinforce stereotypes and traditional gender roles. But don’t worry: not every flattery turns into a tightrope walk.
“What I appreciate about you is that you are always so warm and caring. Just like a good person Mother.” At first glance, that sounds like a nice compliment. But it may be that a person is not happy about this sentence, which is probably meant in a nice way. Because it is based on stereotypes. For example, the one that women can only be good mothers if they are warm and caring.
March 1st is Compliment Day. And because flattery is sometimes not so easy, it is a good opportunity to ask: What could possibly go down badly with well-intentioned adulation?
Charming words are followed by good feelings
First of all, scientific studies show that compliments actually trigger positive feelings – on both sides: both in the recipient and in those who distribute the kindness. This was discovered by a research team from the Institute for Medical Psychology at Heidelberg University Hospital, among others.
The scientific study examined the brains of people who were in a romantic relationship at the time. During the study, their brains were examined using magnetic resonance imaging. It was shown that in recipients and senders of a compliment, areas of the brain that are responsible for the happiness hormones oxytocin and dopamine become active. Compliments are therefore good for mental and physical health.
Not every compliment is harmless
But why does some admiration have a stale aftertaste? When at first glance it seems harmless and well-intentioned? Of course, it always depends on the context whether a compliment is appropriate or not. But a big mistake can be avoided by not associating affectionate words with a stereotype or objectifying people, says Julia Becker, professor of social psychology at the University of Osnabrück.
“You have a great shirt. I’d like to know what it looks like underneath,” is an example of objectifying compliments. These are “not well received and are interpreted as sexism,” explains Becker. It is also crucial whether the praise comes from a close person or a stranger. If the objectifying comment comes from someone unknown, it will be viewed particularly negatively.
According to Becker, people who receive the objectifying comment are also judged more negatively. Observers found them to be “less likeable and less intelligent,” says the researcher.
Stereotypes can become prejudices
“For example, it sounds nice when women are told that they are much more wonderful than men,” explains Becker. “This assumption is often accompanied by the fact that the group that is portrayed as particularly nice and warm-hearted is also perceived as less competent.”
Stereotypes repeated over generations could solidify into prejudices and become blanket judgments. A girl might think that she will get recognition especially if she looks like a princess, but not if she gets an A in math, explains the professor. That’s why – regardless of whether it’s a boy or a girl – it’s best for all people to receive words of praise from an early age that emphasize their special features in various areas.
One thing is clear: there is no such thing as a perfect compliment. Whether a sentence is received well or badly always depends on the context and usually also on the relationships between people. “Overall, I think balanced compliments are very good, and there should be more of them,” says the social psychologist. “There are people who think that you can no longer give a woman a compliment. That’s complete nonsense.”
Examples of good compliments can be: “I enjoy spending time with you, it’s good for me” or “You always have an open ear for me and I can always rely on you.” Anyone who distributes pleasantries can probably score extra points with individual words.