Expert Tips
Infidelity and relationships without sex – Stefanie Stahl answers relationship questions
Stefanie Stahl is a psychologist, runs a psychotherapeutic practice and passes on her knowledge in books and podcasts
© Susanne Wysocki
Star users ask, the relationship experts answer! Stefanie Stahl is one of the best-known voices in the field of psychotainment. She and her colleague Lukas Klaschinski give tips about love and partnership.
Stefanie Stahl is a psychologist, bestselling author (“The child in you must find home”) and podcast host. In “That’s How I’m Just” she talks to the psychologist and podcast expert Lukas Klaschinski every two weeks about psychological issues and provides assistance. Now the two have packed their bags and traveled through Germany with a two-hour program. In Munich he meets star the psychology experts and asks them the questions that the Instagram followers had sent in.
Ms. Stahl, does everyone need a partner?
Stefanie Stahl: You should have the freedom of choice. One can have a very happy life without a partnership. I have a ranking: For me, being in a good relationship is the best thing. After that comes a good single life, then a bad relationship, and then a lousy single life.
Can you love more than one person?
Lukas Klaschinski: I think so. But I think polyamory poses a danger for people who are actually afraid of commitment. They live it so they don’t have to feel their fear of commitment.
Stefanie Stahl: You can be in love with one and love the other. But whether you love two at the same time or are in love with two at the same time – I don’t know. The difference lies in the physical attraction. When you have a crush, that’s what it’s all about at first.
Is a relationship without sex possible?
Lukas Klaschinski: Yes, but it’s boring. (laughs)
Stefanie Stahl: In youth, sex is much more relevant. That becomes relative with age.
Lukas Klaschinski: Seriously, sexuality is an important way of building a bond. Without cuddling and physicality, a bond suffers. If you have physical contact for two minutes, the hormone oxytocin is released and this is important for the feeling of bonding.
How can infidelity be forgiven?
Stefanie Stahl: The most important thing is that the unfaithful partner takes responsibility and initiates compensation measures. Of course, it also depends on the vulnerability of the betrayed person. People who have unstable self-esteem struggle with it for much longer.
Lukas Klaschinski: At some point you have to put an end to it, otherwise you just deal with this topic. You’re aware it happened, but you don’t bring it up every time you argue.
How can I learn to let go after a breakup?
Stefanie Stahl: Two things are important when it comes to separations: hurt self-esteem and the loss of control. Just because someone breaks up doesn’t say anything about their self-worth. One should try to get out of this loop of thoughts like “I wasn’t worth it” or “What does the other person have that I don’t have”. What can drive you almost insane is the feeling of having lost control. Instead, one should rather focus on other things, areas in which one has control, one’s job, friendships, activities. Last but not least, eliminate the self-pity!