Our author has been with her husband for 15 years. It is clear to her: she wants to spend her life with him, grow old with him. But she also wants to have adventures with others. Can that work?
This text comes from the stern archive and first appeared in May 2023. Our author wishes to remain anonymous and therefore writes under a pseudonym.
I was standing in a crowd when I realized that I couldn’t be faithful. And that I didn’t want to be either. The music was loud and there was a good-looking guy across from me. He looked me in the eyes and I immediately felt this tingling sensation. I paused for a moment and returned his gaze. It was that look that said it all. It signaled: I want you.
Surprised by the feeling that was building up inside me, I turned around and left. I fled to the bathroom. “What was that just now?” I thought to myself. That one moment had thrown me completely off track. I knew that if I went back now, anything could happen. Maybe we would kiss. Maybe we would exchange numbers. Or maybe I would wake up next to him tomorrow morning. That couldn’t happen under any circumstances. Because I was married.
Shortly afterwards I was in a taxi home, but I couldn’t get the guy out of my head. It had felt so good – the butterflies in my stomach. Should I give up on that? The rest of my life? I was in my early 30s, had been a mother for a year and had a wonderful husband. We had been together for many years and loved each other. As I looked out of the window in the taxi, I thought about how I couldn’t have that feeling I had just felt with him. No matter how much we love each other, that “first time feeling”, that butterflies, that excitement, that crush, all of that can only be experienced with a person you’ve just met. With whom you’re not as familiar as with your partner. So there were only two options: either give it up forever or cheat.