By now everyone knows that the world, humanity and maybe even Bogenhausen are doomed; but not everyone has what it takes to take the impending apocalypse calmly. Some are so despondent because of the end of the world that they no longer take any notice of the positive. There is still good news, and one recently came from the Association of the German Insurance Industry. Every year, its experts determine where drivers are most often involved in accidents. Regions in which it rarely crashes come in a cheap liability regional class, but where the damage balance shows high numbers, the insured have to shell out more. And what must say? Munich’s drivers are at the forefront of the Bavarian crash culture together with the people of Augsburg. The Munich cause particularly many and particularly expensive accidents. Only the Berliners and, oddly enough, the Offenbachers are even better in this discipline.
The fact that they are on pole position, at least in Bavaria, can fill Munich’s crash pilot with pride. It’s not the case that people from Munich (here we really only mean men) can’t drive a car. In this respect he is completely different from the Berliners, Offenbachers and Augsburgers, who are really hopeless bunglers behind the wheel – not to mention drivers with the license plate FFB, who cause mischief even on the loneliest dirt road.
No, the people of Munich are the best drivers in the world. Just a few years ago, he was the undisputed ruler of the city, and everyone jumped aside when he came roaring up in his speedster. Young gentlemen, whose father had given him a convertible, often spent half the night driving up and down Leo, where they were followed by applause and admiring looks. Her cavalier start at the traffic light was legendary, making every Formula 1 driver look old – unfortunately a rare spectacle, because such a 400 hp performer only exceptionally stopped at the red light. Like almost all Munich drivers, he was convinced that traffic signs only apply to others, never to him. Incidentally, there were car manufacturers who seriously considered developing models especially for their Munich customers that had a second gas pedal instead of the brake. Incomprehensible why nothing came of it.
But where noble people are in the fast lane, envious people soon appear who want to slow them down. This is also the case in Munich: Pedestrians, cyclists, vegans, even city councilors of all genders united in an alliance of terror that makes life hell for Munich drivers with speed limits, cycle paths, pedestrian zones and other instruments of torture. Quite a few have been so unsettled that they are now lurching around like in a bumper car. If it then crashes, there’s at least points for Munich’s damage balance. But the best continue undeterred according to the motto: Mia san mia, and mia ham right of way. You can recognize them by the “M” on the license plate – but by then it’s often too late.