“How many pounds have you gained? “… Phrases that should not be said to a pregnant woman

“Daddy, did he want it too?” “, “Are you sure you have the right to eat that? “. These are little phrases slipped into conversations, but which in the long run end up irritating pregnant women. In 9 months firm! 375 things never to say to a pregnant girl!*which appears this Wednesday in bookstores, Salomé Saint-Laurent, details in detail the anthology of nonsense or heaviness that future mothers undergo.

As soon as their pregnancy is announced, they are entitled to reactions that are a little too spontaneous: “Pregnant? But why ? You already have a boy and a girl”, “Wouldn’t you have preferred to take a dog? “, “The second, you will see, it is horrible”, “Is it a wanted pregnancy? “, enumerates the work. “These are often clichés or inappropriate reflections without filter, which testify to the imagination surrounding the pregnant woman: the age that one imagines ideal for giving birth, the dreamed sex for her unborn child… Relatives feel the need to position oneself in relation to the event,” says Salomé Saint-Laurent.

“Prepare yourself a little buoy after the episiotomy”

Pregnant women also have the privilege of answering absurd or intrusive questions, such as: “Are you sure you’re not expecting twins? “, “How do you do to remove your hair now?, “You must miss having a sex life, right? », « How many kilos did you gain exactly? “Are you going to breastfeed her?” », « I can touch your belly ». This is easily explained by Yveline Exbrayat, psychologist and psychotherapist, specializing in perinatality: “Pregnancy is considered by many to be a social event and not a private one. The best example is the tendency of people to touch the sale of the pregnant woman”.

Expecting a child also means exposing yourself to a myriad of advice, such as: “You shouldn’t eat salmon”, “Prepare yourself a little buoy after the episiotomy, because you won’t risk t ‘sit down anytime soon’, ‘Take a slice, you have to eat for two’, ‘Avoid giving birth on a Sunday, that would make you lazy. “A mania analyzed by Yveline Exbrayat: “People who are already parents believe that their experience can be generalized. In addition, pregnancy leads to a posture of protection of those around you. Even if it means being paternalistic or giving lessons”. And when this advice, or even these injunctions, comes from people who don’t have children, they irritate even more, according to Salomé Saint-Laurent: “For pregnant women, these people have no legitimacy in giving them advice. , often above ground. »

“My delivery was a remake of the chainsaw massacre”

And some do not hesitate to water their pregnant girlfriends with wacky theories: “Belly down, he’s a little guy! », « You have salty cravings, it’s a boy! “. A trend explained by the psychologist: “They try to control this strange phenomenon that is pregnancy with unfounded beliefs. »

Without forgetting the gore stories to which mothers willingly indulge: “My childbirth was a remake of a chainsaw massacre,” said one of her friends to Salomé Saint-Laurent. “The pregnant woman faces the full catalog of horrors that can occur during childbirth. While there are no two identical births. These stories are generators of stress,” says Salomé Saint-Laurent. “These women come to share an undigested trauma, without thinking of the interlocutor they have in front of them”, observes Yveline Exbrayat.

Thoughts that can hurt

For nine months, we are also exposed to remarks that are sometimes frankly derogatory, such as: “You are not going to call him that anyway! », « show your stretch marks, so that I can get an idea of ​​what awaits me », « Are you already taking your mat leave? », « To have a baby at your age, I would not have dared! “. Phrases all the more surprising as they often come from relatives. “It often denotes jealousy on the part of good friends who have not yet had the chance to be mothers. Or who anticipate the fact that the future mother will escape them, will be less available to them, ”comments Salomé Saint-Laurent.

These inappropriate – even a bit nasty – reflections can affect future mothers: “They are more difficult to swallow because pregnancy is a period of doubts and transformation. The emotional brain is overdeveloped during these 9 months and if certain thoughts slip in normal times, they affect when you are pregnant, especially when they come from the parents”, notes Yveline Exbrayat. To defend against this, the psychologist suggests not reacting aggressively: “You have to try not to put yourself in the position of receiver and answer: ‘I don’t share this idea’, ‘It only involves you”. By dint of annoyance, some pregnant women even decide to distance people who are too invasive, even toxic, at least for a while.

Still, those around pregnant women are generally not aware of making mistakes and do not always understand what future mothers need during this period. “They don’t want judgment or advice. They need us to be quiet, to listen to them and to ask them how they are doing,” insists Yveline Exbrayat.

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